The Reluctant Queen!
First, a quick synopsis of the main players in this drama:
King Achashverosh – King of Persia on the hunt for a new woman in his life after he rids himself of his wife, Vashti for refusing to appear with not much more than her crown in his attempt to display her beauty in front of his buds (who probably had imbibed a little too many Buds themselves).
Mordechai – The Jewish leader who stubbornly refuses to bow to Haman and thereby sets off a series of events that eventually led Haman to draw a lottery – pur in Hebrew, hence the name Purim. The lottery was to set the date of the planned genocide to begin.
Haman – Bad guy who is having major inferiority issues. Wants to wipe out an entire people because one of ’em dunn’t give him respec’. He tells his wife and friends that he has wealth, children and power, but that all of it is worthless as long as that Jew, Mordechai refuses to get on his knees and bow to him.
Esther – our reluctant heroine. The poor girl did not want to take part in the Persian version of the America’s Next Top Model that King A. created to find himself a new wife. When her turn arrives to meet King A., she is the only one who does not request anything to make herself look really good. All the other girls get AMEX Platinum and a day at the Bal Harbour Shoppes. Esther tells them, “No thanks.” She wins the contest anyway.
So, how did Esther do it? How does she, of all these lovely ladies, win the contest? Was she so stunningly beautiful that even without any make-over she still looked way better than all the other contestants? The Megillah tells us her secret by mentioning that the king loved her more than any of the women for “she had grace and kindness over all the other virgins.” Apparently it was not just her good looks but the “grace and kindness” that did the trick in securing her victory.
And herein lies the secret to real beauty. There is no denying that pure physical beauty has a certain power and magnetism that makes heads turn. But this alone is not enough to make one an extremely attractive person. The Talmud relates that anyone who would meet Esther thought that she was from their country. If you were from the USA, you thought she was American; if from the UK, you thought she was a Brit. Slovak, Fin, African, it made no difference – you thought Esther was your landsman. This is difficult to understand in light of the fact that people from different countries each have their own unique look, language, and customs. How was Esther able to be such a chameleon?
Esther was one of those rare people who had the unique talent of allowing others to feel as if she were one of them. She was able to instantly connect with, and relate to, whomever she met. In Hebrew the word for charm is chain. Its root is from the word chinum which means gratis. People will like you, for no apparent reason at all, if you make them, and not yourself, the focus during your interaction with them. Whenever Esther met another person, she knew how to listen, see another’s needs, quickly figure out a person’s hot button, and concentrate on the other and not herself. By giving another this attention, every person that Esther met felt she knew and understood them so well that she must have come from the same locale. This is the grace and kindness that King A., and everyone else, immediately felt upon meeting Esther.
Additionally, Esther’s reluctance to be the Queen was a crucial factor in winning over the king. She did not want, nay did not need, to be Queen because she knew it was not necessary to have that title and position. She exuded such confidence in herself from already knowing of her true royalty that comes with her talents, morals, integrity and leadership that it was not necessary to have any formal recognition or title – she already knew she was a queen.
A complete contrast to Esther was Haman who wanted so badly to be like a king and completely powerful. The problem was that he did not have any of the charm and grace of an Esther; a quality that is crucial for a King to relate to his many different subjects. Knowing that he had none of these qualities, his insecurity was so great that even though he had managed to amass tremendous power, it became meaningless if but one person would not recognize it. It only took one individual’s refusal to bow to Haman to shatter his fragile ego and expose the fact that all the love and obedience shown to him was forced and false because it came through deception, lies and favors. Such is the frailty of the ego of a person who knows that all his success, admiration and wealth are a sham.
“Love me love me say that you love me fool me fool me go on and fool me love me love me pretend that you love me.” -The Cardigans
The irony is that those whose egos are so sensitive and in constant need for validation never really get the respect they so crave. However, those who are secure and happy in their knowledge of themselves, who need no accolades, who have enough love and confidence of self that they can easily share it with others – those people always end up becoming honored Kings and Queens in the eyes of not only their family and friends, but of anyone whom they meet.
One who runs after honor, honor flees from him. One who flees from honor, honor runs after him. –Talmud
Contributor Rabbi Tzvi Nightingale – Aish South Florida
